Practice Daily Gratitude
The topic for today’s blog comes from some self-reflection I was doing last Sunday as I was winding down for the evening and preparing for the work week to start again on Monday. Generally, I think it’s safe to say many of us do not like Mondays - they mark the beginning of a long, sometimes stressful, work week, where it feels like you’re climbing the hill all over again and trying to make it back to the weekend. It’s pretty routine for me to spend the last few hours of my Sunday thinking about all the emails that have piled up in my work inbox, all the tasks and deadlines I have to accomplish in the coming week, and just generally dreading returning to the office.
Then the thought came to me. Why am I making this such a big deal? Why are Mondays any different than Fridays, or Saturdays? Sure, maybe I’d rather be running or baking instead of going to my job on Monday… but at the same time, having a steady job (especially during the COVID pandemic) is something to be incredibly grateful for. And maybe my job isn’t the most fun or exciting career ever (that honor probably goes to flying fighter jets or having your own food/travel channel show) but I have the opportunity to work for a good company, with great coworkers, and develop my professional skills through interesting and challenging projects. Yes, sometimes it’s stressful, but when I think about everything I’ve gained and learned throughout the course of my career, I really can only feel incredibly grateful and fortunate to be where I am now.
So last Sunday, instead of worrying about the coming work week or feeling morose because the weekend was coming to a close, instead I tried to practice gratitude. I told myself to be thankful for having a good job that could support me and my family. I told myself to be excited for new projects at work and the ability to develop my professional skills. I told myself that I was fortunate to have a stable career so I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, or if I can pay the mortgage this month, etc… Not everyone is so fortunate, and many of the things that I take for granted daily are things that others are sorely missing.
I hope this doesn’t come across as sounding entitled or tone-deaf, because that is most definitely not my intent. I recognize that many people across the world have much more serious problems than simply “having to go to work on Monday.” Rather, the point I am trying to make is that it is important to practice gratitude in everything we do, and to find the silver lining in any situation, regardless of how you may feel. This is especially important when it comes to OCD Recovery.
When we suffer from OCD, it is easy to catastrophize our worst fears and uncertainties. This leads into a spiral of anxiety and fear, sometimes with additional emotions like guilt and shame mixed in. When we become like this, it becomes extraordinarily difficult to see out of the hole that you’ve dug yourself into. You convince yourself that you can never feel happy again, or that you don’t deserve to have good things, because your intrusive thoughts and obsessions have convinced you that you are incapable of living a happy, normal life. And when you fall into such a dark place, it is difficult to escape.
This is where practicing gratitude comes in. No matter how bad of a place you’re in, and no matter how hopeless you may feel, you can still practice gratitude. I know from personal experience, because at my lowest point in suffering with OCD, I couldn’t see any possible way to continue living like I had been doing. But even in my deepest, darkest moments of despair, there were still things that I could be thankful for. I had family who cared for me. I had a roof over my head and clean water. Even if I was feeling anxious and afraid, I could still do the hobbies that I loved (running and cycling). Physically, there was nothing stopping me from living my life and doing things that I valued. My problem was that mentally, I had convinced myself (because of OCD) that I didn’t deserve to do these things, or that I couldn’t enjoy them if I did. Digging myself out of that hole required a lot of ERP and ACT, but it also required me to be thankful for every little thing that I had in my life, even if OCD was trying to convince me otherwise.
When people ask me the question: “How do I practice ERP? I am eliminating compulsions, but I still feel anxious/afraid/guilt-ridden/etc…” My answer to them is: don’t judge your progress on your feelings. Constantly checking how you’re feeling and if the anxiety has gone away is a compulsion in and of itself. Instead, focus on valued actions - which are the things that you can do which build you up and add value to your life. As an example, let’s say you have an obsessive fear of contracting a virus from touching unclean surfaces. Your ERP exercise may have you touch a “contaminated” surface on purpose and then refuse the compulsion of washing your hands. So you refuse to do the compulsion, but you still feel incredibly anxious and scared. This is normal when you are first starting out with ERP; we are re-training our brain and teaching it not to be afraid when we take away the compulsions, but it takes time for the brain to learn this new behavior. So instead of measuring your ERP progress by how you’re feeling, judge it by how many valued-actions you can do. Instead of spending ten minutes washing your hands, maybe you spent those ten minutes making your bed, taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and preparing breakfast. Those are four forms of self-love and four things to celebrate! And that is where practicing gratitude comes in. Even if you are still struggling with OCD and eliminating compulsions, you can - and you should - celebrate those small wins! Tell yourself: “I am thankful that today I spent time caring for myself. I am thankful that I took the time to prepare a nourishing meal for myself, because I deserve it. I am thankful that even if I did ten compulsions today, I did much better than I did yesterday when I did fifteen compulsions.” No matter how big or small the “victory” is, it is important to celebrate and be thankful for those wins, because that will help keep you anchored with your values as you go through OCD recovery.
For these reasons, many therapists recommend keeping a “gratitude” journal, and this is something that I did during my own recovery process. In fact, even after recovering from OCD, I still keep a gratitude journal today, because I think it is a great practice to remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have in life, even when there may be stress or uncertainty. I’d highly encourage you to begin your own gratitude journal as well, as I firmly believe it is a great tool to facilitate OCD recovery.
Keeping a gratitude journal is simple. You can use an app (I use “Calm” from the iOS app store) or a paper journal or any other medium, as long as it allows you to record the things you’re thankful for each day. I try to aim for at least three things to be thankful for every day. As an example, I might record something like:
I am thankful that X person recognized me for the great job I did on Project Y at work
I am thankful that the weather was nice and I was able to get in a long run this morning
I am thankful that my wife prepared my favorite meal for dinner as a surprise
Even if you can’t think of anything particularly huge, you should always at least be able to practice gratitude for small things, like:
I am thankful I got out of bed this morning
I am thankful for having a roof over my head
I am thankful I spent ten minutes meditating and practicing self-care
The important thing is to practice daily gratitude, and to celebrate everything you have, no matter how big or small. No matter how hard the OCD recovery process is and no matter how anxious or afraid we may feel, there are always things we can be grateful for if we truly think about it. And actively expressing gratitude for those things, even in our darkest battles with OCD, will help keep us aligned to our values and guide us on the path to recovery. So starting today, I’d encourage you to begin keeping a gratitude journal of your own, and tomorrow morning, wake up and spend a few minutes to reflect on everything you have in life and to just be thankful for living! Don’t spend those minutes ruminating on your latest OCD obsession or thinking about compulsions you need to perform - instead, be mindful, focus solely on the present moment, and just practice gratitude. That will set you up to succeed in your future ERP and ACT endeavors as you go through your OCD recovery journey.
Eric