How Can I Tell What’s an Intrusive Thought? (and why this is a trap!)
Something that I struggled with during the worst parts of my battle with OCD, and something which I’m sure many others have challenges with, was asking myself: how can I tell if the thoughts I’m having are intrusive thoughts? Of course, it’s easy to say: intrusive thoughts are unwanted and you should just ignore them. But I would often second guess myself and wonder: do I secretly want these thoughts? Do I actually enjoy them? Maybe they’re not intrusive thoughts and they’re actually “real” thoughts that I want to happen! Oh no, what does that mean about me??
If this sounds like you, then my advice is to take a step back, breathe, and continue reading.
What I’ve come to learn, both through my experience struggling with OCD, as well as through practicing ERP and ACT, is that questions like these are pointless. Trying to figure out whether a thought is intrusive or not, good or bad, wanted or unwanted, etc… is an exercise in futility. At the end of the day, OCD thrives on making you doubt yourself, and trying to chase feelings of certainty or reassurance will only strengthen OCD’s hold on you. If you’re asking yourself whether or not a thought is intrusive, or if you really “wanted” to think that thought, or if it means you’re a good person or a bad person… you’ve already fallen down the rumination rabbit hole. The best thing you can do at this point is to realize that you’re only digging the hole deeper, to stop trying to “figure” things out, and bring yourself mindfully back into the present moment and do anything else as long as it’s not continuing to ruminate on your thoughts.
One of the most important things that I learned through Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) is to accept thoughts and feelings without judgment or labels. That means when a particularly upsetting thought crosses your mind, you observe it objectively but don’t label it as a “good” or a “bad” thought. It’s no different than watching clouds float by in the sky. Some clouds may have different shapes, or colors, or may be floating at different heights; but there’s no point nor purpose in saying “that’s a bad cloud” or “that’s a good cloud.” Clouds are just clouds. In a similar vein, ACT teaches us that thoughts really have no underlying meaning either; they’re neither good nor bad, neither intrusive nor non-intrusive. They’re just thoughts. Labeling them and judging them is the wrong thing to do, because when you start categorizing thoughts as good or bad, that’s when you associate meaning and weight to them… and then it becomes a slippery slope where suddenly you’re tying your own personal identity to these thoughts.
If one of the key rules in ACT is to learn to accept thoughts without judgment or labels, then a corollary rule is to recognize that your personal identity is distinct and separate from your thoughts - this is called the Self as Context. Basically it means recognizing that we are the setting in which our thoughts occur, but we are not the thoughts ourselves. Using my previous analogy, if thoughts are like clouds, then we would be the sky in which they float. On any given day, you might have normal clouds, or storm clouds, or fog - but the sky is distinct and encompasses so much more than just clouds. Any one cloud really has no meaning or impact in something as broad as “the sky.” Similarly, using the Self as Context, ACT teaches us that even though thoughts and emotions may be occurring inside our mind, we can observe them objectively and recognize that our personal identity is not inherently tied to these things. For example, let’s say a random thought popped up in your head about being a crazy ax murderer. You can observe that thought, notice its presence, and recognize that it has no inherent meaning about you personally, just like how a single storm cloud doesn’t mean anything about the sky. It is what it is; just something random which is floating around in the huge canvas that is your brain.
Finally, once we’ve learned to accept thoughts without judgment, and to separate ourselves from our thoughts via the Self as Context, comes the last step in the process - ACT! And this time, I’m not talking about the acronym for Acceptance Commitment Therapy, but rather the action of acting in accordance to your values. At any given point, we have a choice - we can choose to spend our time ruminating and performing compulsions, or we can choose to live mindfully in the present moment and do things which add value to our lives. Using the cloud analogy again - let’s say you’re outside and you notice a particularly large and weirdly shaped cloud. You could choose to spend all day looking at the cloud and asking yourself: is this a good cloud? Is it a bad cloud? Does this cloud mean the rest of the week will have rainy weather? Should I put my entire life on hold and just stare at this cloud until I can figure out what it means? Or - you could simply choose to get on with your day and do the things that you had planned. Handling thoughts is much the same principle - if a particularly upsetting thought pops up in your mind, you can either choose to spend time and energy ruminating on it and trying to figure out if it has some inherently deeper meaning… or, you could just shrug your shoulders and choose to do something else with your time and energy instead that is more aligned with your values. OCD recovery is all about ACTION - it’s about choosing to do the right thing in the present moment, and not getting tied up trying to figure out what your thoughts mean or trying to chase certainty or reassurance.
If I could sum up the entirety of this blog post into a few key bullet points, it would be this:
People often get hung up trying to figure out if thoughts are good or bad, intrusive or non-intrusive, wanted or unwanted, etc… if you are asking yourself these questions, you’re already trapped in the rumination rabbit hole and you need to stop digging!
Instead - accept your thoughts without judgment or labels. They are neither good nor bad. Thoughts are just thoughts, just like clouds are just clouds.
Recognize that you are separate from your thoughts - these thoughts may be occurring in your head, but that doesn’t mean they have any relation to your personal identity or values. Just like how any random cloud doesn’t really say anything about the sky overall.
Choose to live mindfully and in accordance to your values. ACTIONS are what matter! Instead of ruminating on your thoughts or judging them, make the choice to take valued action and do things which make your life better. Ruminating and trying to figure thoughts out will NOT add any value to your life.
I hope this blog post helps those of you who are struggling with intrusive thoughts, because I know that at least for me, this was one of the biggest hurdles that I had to overcome in my own personal OCD recovery journey. Learning about ACT and learning how to separate myself from my thoughts was a huge revelation in my own recovery process. Even today, these principles help to guide me: whether professionally at work, or in my personal life, I always try to focus my actions on the things which I can control in the present moment and which add value to my life. There’s no point in getting wrapped up in “what ifs?” or ruminating on past or future events. Learning these ACT principles helped me tremendously not only in recovering from OCD, but also in continuing to have a happy and fulfilling life (which is why I continually stress on this blog - the skills you learn from ERP and ACT don’t just end once you “beat” OCD - they are a shift in your mindset and will help you all throughout the rest of your life!)
Eric