Courage is Not the Absence of Fear
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.”
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
I love this quote by FDR, not just as a general tip applicable to many facets of life, but because for OCD sufferers specifically, it neatly and succinctly summarizes the right attitude you need to be taking when learning how to recover from OCD.
OCD, at its core, is a mental disorder that preys upon our fears. People often think that the compulsions (checking, rumination, etc…) are the cause of OCD, but these are merely the symptoms. The root causes of OCD are the obsessions and fears that are driving us to perform those compulsions. For example, someone who is terrified of getting sick or catching a disease may compulsively wash their hands. Someone who is afraid of burning their house down may compulsively check that the stove is off. Someone who is afraid that they may have accidentally hit someone on their last car ride may compulsively check for dents or bloodstains on their car, or scan the news to ensure there hadn’t been a vehicular homicide in their area. OCD feeds off of our fears.
Once one understands that fear is at the root of OCD, the question becomes - how do you “beat” it? How can you recover from OCD if you are feeling fear? And my answer is this: trying to eliminate uncomfortable feelings (like fear, anxiety, or uncertainty) is the wrong mindset to have. As I explain in this blog post, actively trying to get rid of, or avoid, intrusive thoughts and feelings of anxiety actually only strengthen OCD’s control over you. It seems counter intuitive, but in order to recover from OCD, you actually need to accept these uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and learn that you can still live fully and in alignment with your values while experiencing them.
I’ve covered this topic in great detail already here, so I won’t repeat myself in this blog post, but I felt it was very important to explain that having the courage to accept your fears and intrusive thoughts and CHOOSE to carry on with your life regardless is the best way to recover from OCD. By doing this, you “break” the mental cycle of obsessions leading to compulsions and over time, you can re-train your brain to properly handle uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without needing to perform OCD compulsions. However, it takes time, commitment, and a great deal of courage. Many people struggle mightily with OCD recovery because it’s difficult for them to accept feelings of anxiety and fear - they want a cure that doesn’t involve the pain. And I know this isn’t pleasant news to hear, but in order to recover from OCD fully, you DO need to learn to accept those uncomfortable sensations. You need to teach your brain that even when you feel anxious or afraid, these feelings can’t actually prevent you from going out and doing things that you value in your life. And I promise that it will get better, but you NEED to stick with ERP and ACT, no matter how unpleasant it may be at times. A little bit of short term pain is infinitely better than a lifetime of OCD compulsions and anxiety.
So as you go through your own recovery journey, remember FDR’s words, and know that:
Being afraid or dealing with feelings of anxiety and fear during recovery are completely normal
CHOOSING to accept those uncomfortable feelings and living your life anyways, without performing OCD compulsions/rituals, will set you free
Have the COURAGE to stick with ERP and ACT even when things get tough or it feels painful. Remember - your ultimate goal of OCD recovery far outweighs any short term pain!
For those of you in the USA - I hope you all have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving holiday and take the opportunity to rest, spend time with loved ones, and continue building your mental health and fitness!
Eric